My Struggle with Homosexuality
Im going to share my struggling with homosexuality to help those struggling with homosexuality. Im sharing this because I want to help those struggling with homosexuality.
I want to start with explaining things from my teen years.
When I was around 13-14 our family fell apart and I was facing homelessness. I sat with a man who knew my mom and stepdad and by the way he talked to me I discerned I was going to be homeless. Because he sat telling me some ways of how people survive on the streets. I was afraid I was between 13-14 I can’t remember my exact age but I wouldn’t have been any older than 14. I was afraid I thought to go to family. I tried to go back to my childhood friends and I had no help. I also went to the Police and Social services and they didn’t help me. They said I was to young for the Edmonton youth emergency shelter and to old for foster care.I didn’t know what to do I was afraid of getting raped so I considered shaving a moustache and dressing like a guy so I wouldn’t get raped. I was terrified. I couldn’t shave a moustache and I didn’t want to dress like a boy. I travelled around to try find a home with people I knew previously. A man I knew was willing to help me, take care of me with his family but he was suffering from an alcohol addiction and I was afraid to be around him like that.
When I got hungry I was ashamed to beg I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I thought to hide my face and hold a sign and I still couldn’t do it. ( so I have a lot of compassion and respect for people asking for money and holding signs. They really have to humble themselves to do it and to choose that over crime and prostitution is beautiful. We should all help people in need.)
I started to prostitute, I would get drunk and prostitute. And after awhile I started to hate men. Like monster (from the movie) hated men. I don’t know her real name. I started to feel like I wanted to carry a weapon and hurt the men. Then I was at my moms and the movie about monster was on. It was at the part where they showed her and her friend then her with the men and her wanting to hurt them I can’t remember what happened but I was able to see someone going through what I was going through. I felt used and I wanted to hurt the men. But after I saw that part of that movie I didn’t want to do that anymore.
But I struggled a lot as a young teen trying to find my identity. I had many different looks and I dressed inappropriately. I wanted to be a punk, a skater, a prep, I wanted dread locks, I struggled a lot.
I seen things and I started to want wrong things.
I don’t know exactly why Ive struggled with homosexuality I just have. Honestly I found it attractive and I still fight that opinion. I don’t say this to dishonor God and Jesus, I say it to help anyone who feels the same way as me and feels they have no Salvation. But I have to fight against sin and the devil and resist sin through our glorious mighty SAVIOR. Homosexuality has been something I have somewhat secretly struggled with. The devil tries to use women to tempt me.
I am a Christian and I struggle with sin/temptation.
So what can I do? What does God and Jesus want me to do? And will I go to Heaven? Will this hurt my relationship with God and Jesus? Can this hurt my relationship with God and Jesus.
God has a law, the law was given through Moses and grace was realized through Jesus Christ.
“For the Law was given through Moses; grace and truth were realized through Jesus Christ.” John 1:17
God does not want two men or two women laying together in any kind of sexual relationship.
So do I sin if I see a filthy picture?
No if you see a filthy picture or a filthy man or woman comes to my attention I need to look away and don’t look back dont keep staring at it or the person and try not to think about it or the person. If the devil is fighting to try to get me to think about it or look back then you need to ask God and Jesus for help, to help you in your weakness. Maybe you’ve cried out many times or fallen into that sin many times, say your sorry and keep serving God and Jesus and try not to do it again. Avoid the area the persons in or don’t look.
Sin will hurt your relationship with God and Jesus if you try to hide from them. Then you wont want to read their Word or talk to them. So if you sin say your sorry and ask God and Jesus for strength to not do it anymore and to give you great desires of the heart. Know that You have a promise that He will never leave you or forsake you Thats forever.
You can read His promise in Hebrews 13:5 Nasb 95 edition
Do you sin if you keep looking?
Yes if I keep staring at it or them. And think about it and have lustful thoughts and try to please yourself with them or while thinking about it then that is sin.
Just because you have a thought of something filthy that is not sin. That may be the devil trying to tempt you. You sin if you keep thinking of the evil thought. I used to think I was a sinner because I had a thought about it but now I know Thats the devil tempting me.
I am a Christian and I struggle with sin/temptation, what should I do?
You need to cast your cares upon the Lord because He cares for you. “casting all your aanxiety on Him, because He cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:7. God and Jesus know what you have done and what you will do so tell them what you struggle with and ask them to help you resist that sin/resist the devil.
You should also try to fast which you will set a period of time and start to have a water fast. You will set a short period of time at first and then you resist eating when you do this you may need to pray to ask God and Jesus to take away the urge/ temptation to eat food. As you do this you are building self control.
What do God and Jesus want me to do?
God and Jesus want you to love them with all your mind heart and soul and all your strength and love your neighbor as yourself, and to try be obedient. If you sin you will suffer the consequences,say your sorry and Jesus will cleanse you from your sin if we confess our sins.
“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” 1John1:9
God and Jesus want you to read your Bible. It’s great to listen to sermons and Christian music and movies.
Will I go to heaven if I struggle with homosexuality?
I struggle with homosexuality and I believe I will go to heaven. But what I can’t do is enter into any homosexual relationship or think thoughts about it. Or look at any filthy things. Then I will go to heaven if I am seeking God and Jesus trying to do right. The devil may come and try to tempt me and I just need to look away and not think about evil things. If you do sin you confess your sins and keep seeking God and Jesus.
Will this hurt my relationship with God and Jesus?
Not if you stay faithful to God and Jesus and resist the devil/temptation.
Can this hurt my relationship with God and Jesus.
Homosexuality will hurt your relationship with God and Jesus if you continue to have same sex relationships
You come to Jesus as you are and He will change you. You need to resist the devil.
I don’t have a strong desire anymore to be with a woman but the devil tries to tempt me with them. So I believe I do still struggle with homosexuality and God and Jesus love me very much and will welcome me into Their Kingdom if I am obedient and try to resist the devil and the temptation of a sexual relationship with a woman. If ever we sin we just confess our sins to God and His Son Jesus.
“and He Himself bore our sins in His body on the cross, so that we might die to sin and live to righteousness; for by His wounds you were healed. 25For you were continually straying like sheep, but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Guardian of your souls. “1 Peter 2:24-25
The desire for homosexuality is a feeling, I can’t change my feelings I can only resist evil and pray one day I don’t feel like that anymore.
Shalom, I pray everyone is blessed with peace through His Son Jesus.
God made men men and women women boys boys and girls girls.
“God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.28God blessed them; and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it; and rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over every living thing that moves on the earth.” Genesis 1:27-28
You cannot continue in same sex relationships, same sex relationships is a sin, and you need to stop sinning against God and Jesus.
“Jesus answered them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, everyone who commits sin is the slave of sin. 35“The slave does not remain in the house forever; the son does remain forever. 36“So if the Son makes you free, you will be free indeed.” John 8:34-36
Fear of God and sexually transmitted diseases
I would like to say why In the past I never had a lot of same sex relationships. I just want to say that I was afraid to sin against God, I knew he would punish me.
My mom was in the Vancouver hospital and there were some people with aids in the next room. Aids was still fairly new no one knew much about it. They had poly hung around the beds instead of curtains. My mom shared a toilet with them and she showed me how to place toilet paper around on the toilet seat before we used the washroom.
Then when I was a young teen jokes about aids were made, and I started to learn about aids, in school and from friends. Aids scared me. I also learned about other sexually transmitted diseases like herpes, genital warts, Chlamydia, gonorrhea, and syphilis, hepatitis and bugs under the skin. I was scared to get one of those diseases. God and Jesus showed me in a dream recently that genital warts can be inside a woman. So these diseases and my fear of God and Jesus keep me from having a same sex encounter.
My younger sister was also a prostitute. Either of us could find help from the Police or Social services or people we knew. She was also addicted to cocaine and she used needles. She got infected with HIV. The night she died she was with our sister Nicole and she told her she couldn’t have kids and I think she also told her she had aids. It was the night of my sister Nicole’s birthday also the early morning of the 17th my sister left her for a bit and when she got back my youngest sister took her own life she was 15 yrs old. My sister walked to our place to tell us. I pray the Police show compassion to people in those situations and offer a person a ride.
I miss my sister every day, and my other sisters and my mom to. I wish they were here with no sorrow or strife between us. Love your loved ones and try to reconcile with them. Try to help them if you can.
God and Jesus want us to refrain from sex until marriage. That is for our own good. Im sorry if you suffer from any of those things. I pray and ask for all of your healing by God through His sweet Son Jesus.
I would like to say I really sympathize with all the people who had taken hormone pills, or have started or finished a surgery to change your birth sex. I pray that you can have surgery to return to your birth sex. I know Thats what God and Jesus want for you. I care about all of you and you are in my conversations with God and Jesus. I hope you find peace, joy and happiness under the loving wings of God in the presence of His Son Jesus with the gift of the Holy Spirit given to those who obey God.
shalom,
God and Jesus friend and servant
Angelica
I want to say don’t be afraid to come to God and Jesus They are not waiting at the end of the road you will travel on to seek Them with a big stick to beat you with for all the wrong things you have done. Through the blood of Jesus you can be cleansed of all sins you have ever committed or will commit. They know what you have done and what you will do. When you ask God for forgiveness through Jesus He will be waiting for His Child With a robe and sandles and a ring and They will kill the fattened calf to celebrate your life through Jesus. When you confess your sins the Angels celebrate in Heaven. Read about the prodigal son in Luke ch 15 Thats for girls and women to. You come as you are and your older Christian and Hebrew brothers and Sisters may not welcome you and may be angry that They celebrate your return but don’t let that discourage you. Stay faithful to God and Jesus and They will have forgiven you through the suffering and death of Jesus
"and He Himself bore our sins in His body on the cross, so that we might die to sin and live to righteousness; for by His wounds you were healed."
1 Peter 2:24
You will be welcomed by God and Jesus into Their family. However you look, however you are. Jesus will change you, you will become His work in progress. I share my personal struggle to help you. May you be blessed by God through His sweet son Jesus.
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