My Sister Cindy Gail Sharkey passed away 27 years ago, On July 17,1996. I was three months pregnant with my oldest son. I still miss her, my life will never be the same without her. I miss hanging around with her, laughing and crying with her, comforting and being there for each other. We had one dream together, one thing we wanted to do together, that was drive with our children through Mcdonalds drive through. We never got to do that. Ive lived through the years missing her, missing her laugh, her presence, missing what could have been, that never happened. Wondering what her children would have looked like. She came to my place two nights before she passed away, I was going to go after her and I never did. Then I was going to go to her place the next day and I didn’t. Then I was determined that day that the next day no matter what I was going to find her. I woke up in the middle of the night and I heard my sister Cindy call out mom and my moms two daughters names and my name, I woke up and I glanced around the room, I fell back asleep. The next day my husband was waking me up and I could hear crying, he said my sister died. My mom and her two daughters were at the the door crying. They told me my sister Cindy passed away. I was 3 months pregnant with my son Austin, and if I hadn’t been I wouldn’t be here today. God and His Son Jesus knew I needed to be pregnant to live. My little sister was everything to me. We did everything together. When my mom left with her daughters we stood at the picture window watching my dad driving them away. We waved goodbye to them. We then had each other. We would play house. We had our dolls and we would imagine our lives when we got older. What we would do, how our children would be. We walked the shores of lakes together. When she was gone I didn’t want to live, but I couldn’t take the life of my little boy. After he was born I thought of taking my life, but I knew there was no one to care for him, so I had to carry on. I couldn’t cope with the loss of my sister. I was in denial I couldn’t believe she was gone. I went to a doctor. I told him my sister passed away and I don’t know if I could mentally handle seeing her laying in the coffin. But I said if I didn’t go, I don’t know if I will believe she is gone. He said if you need to see her in the coffin to believe she is gone, you should go to her funeral, he prescribed me Ativan. It was such a blessing when I started to panic about if my sister was in Heaven or hell, or if I started thinking about all the what ifs, I took an Ativan, and I calmed down. That doctor blessed my life, and I pray and ask God and Jesus to bless that doctors life. I wasn’t the same, but I had to carry on for my son. I knew no one would care for him like I would, I knew I needed to carry on for him. I suffered with an alcohol addiction. I grieved my sister. When I dreamt of my sister she would be a distance from me and she wouldn’t talk to me. Then one night I had a dream. I was standing out front of the place place we lived in for some years before we left. I was on the driveway looking at the house and there was a little girl with her hair in two pony tails. ( my daughter wasn’t born yet but I believe the little girl in the dream was my little daughter.) I heard something to the side of us. To the right of the house, it was the sound of a river. I walked over to the tree line and there was a river with big boulders on both sides. I seen my little sister on the same side of the river as me about 10 feet in front of me. I walked up to her and she said “you need to let me go.” I woke up and knew I needed to move on. I have tried, but I still miss her. I had to move on, and live my life for my children, they needed me. I tried to be the best mom I could be. I tried to give them the best life I could. I tried to not think of the past.
But through what I first seen as a spiritual attack but now I see as a spiritual gift. I have seen into Heaven. I seen God and Jesus thrones. Jesus standing at His throne, which I seen as a white light in front and above His throne. Then Heaven closed and I seen Jesus face as He looked when He was persecuted to death, then he was raised on the third day, and ascended into Heaven, and is enthroned at the right hand of God. I can hear God and Jesus and the Angels. I hear my sister, my mom, and other angels.
The pain of losing someone you love never goes away. You will always miss them. You will always wish they were here. You will always wonder what they would look like older or their children or spouse. What would they have done for a living, where would they live. How great of friends would you be, and your children together, and your spouses. But for the ones that live we need to live for them. And I’m sure that our loved ones as Angels would want us to carry on and live happily with the ones that we love and live with in this earth. They need us. We can build memories with them on the earth. We don’t abandon the ones that have gone before us, but we have to live for the ones that are with us. They need our love, and company, and laughs, and we can drive with them through the McDonald’s drive through. I have talked to the Angels I know. I have told my sister I love her and miss her. But I am happy that she is safe in Heaven with God and Jesus and watching over us, but I miss her here , but I have to live for my children and grandchildren and their children for as many of my generations that walk this earth. I don’t believe we hurt our loved ones that passed on by moving on. I believe what would hurt them is if we can’t move on, and we suffer in the loss of their life. You may, like me, need a sedative like Ativan or Xanax to help you cope with your loss. Which you can talk to a doctor about prescribing it to you, if one doctor dosent want to prescribe them try another doctor, until you get what you need. Carry on with your life, you don’t know what God and Jesus have in store for you tomorrow. There are a lot of great people in this world, if you don’t have anyone to talk to. Try find someone to listen and give you encouragement and if you can’t find anyone you can always text me through email and I will listen and try to encourage you. I am a little angry once and awhile that God and Jesus took my sister, but I know there is a reason for everything, God and Jesus have a purpose and a plan. No one on this earth is perfect but we are commanded by Jesus to love each other, and that’s what we should do. Be there for everyone who needs you. God and Jesus will help you through. Pray and ask God and Jesus for strength to get through. We are not to judge. Don’t worry in your life if your loved one went to hell, they may have cried out in their last moments and asked God and Jesus to forgive them and can be right now in God and Jesus and the Angels presence in Heaven. Pray and ask God and Jesus for peace, and that They will help you move on with your life.
My mother also went on to be with God and Jesus. I heard the most beautiful Angels talking and I realized one of them was my mom. She sounded so beautiful I wanted to see her. I was in my vehicle, I was parked, and I seen an Angel walking on the hill front of me. My mom had blonde hair and wings and a long white garment. I didn’t see her feet because they were on the other side of the hill. Love everyone, and be there for who you can be there for even if they are suffering in the worst sin, they need your love and encouragement. God and Jesus have shown me that they are loving, kind and merciful. I am praying for everyone on the earth. Don’t lose faith, keep serving God and Jesus. If you don’t know God and Jesus as your Lord and Savior you come as you are. God and Jesus already know what you’ve done just say you’re sorry and ask their forgiveness and ask them to help you change and the strength to walk away from the bad things in your life. Nothing is impossible with God and once you have God and Jesus in your life they will never leave you or forsake you. May God bless you and your family through His Son Jesus.
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